When Life Gets Crazy and We Want to Know the "Why"

 

The first of November my daughter came down with a fever. We had no idea on that evening this would be anything more than just a typical kid illness. After several trips to our amazing pediatrician over the next week we landed in the hospital for another week. At the end of it all we are left with very few answers, but very grateful hearts that she is steadily healing. 

Time and time again the pediatric team and the numerous specialists we met with over the course of the week told us just how very sick she was, but how amazed they were she wasn't worse, crediting our regular pediatrician for sending us to the hospital as well as the emergency room doctors for assessing the need for very specific tests which led to her early diagnosis. They began treatment with their working diagnosis before it was fully proven and within 12 hours we saw dramatic improvement. While we greatly value the wisdom and knowledge of every doctor we encountered, we credit Jesus our Healer for the speed with which she was diagnosed and treated. 

Our human nature wants to know why things happen. Most of the time I come to the conclusion it is simply a result of a fallen world. While I rarely can see more behind the why of our trials, I know the Lord uses these things to deepen my faith. I have never physically felt the prayers of the saints in the way I did during our hospital stay. I felt emotionally calmed, physically strengthened, and a peace I cannot explain. We asked the doctors specifically what to ask people to pray for and they gladly told us. When we were given good reports we immediately gave praise to the Lord.

I learned so much about how to support and encourage those who are walking in difficulties physically. Bringing those who are supporting the one who is sick meals in the hospital is something I never considered. Specifically praying for certain aspects of hospital life is another one. I also was greatly encouraged by the many verses of Scripture sent to me via text. One of my dear friends who spent a lot of time with her son in the hospital sent me verses and told me she knew I may not be up to finding them on my own and she just wanted to encourage me. Wow! She was so right and every verse sent to me was exactly what I needed in the moment. 

I also learned the need for rest and giving myself a space to cry. It was appropriate that I did not break down in front of my already frightened girl. We barely understood what we were being told and those big medical terms can be terrifying for children! The trauma of four IVs and 2-3 lab draws per day for testing left its mark, but I had to be calm and confident for her as we held her through all of that. When I needed to cry, I went to a place I could cry without interference. Getting that emotion out left me space to be what I needed to for her. I also took the advice of my husband and friend after the initial 24 hours of being awake and went home to sleep soundly. It was hard to go home, but it was what I needed to be sustained for the following days.

I have two very specific moments which I will forever remember. The first was when one of the doctors finished answering our questions after a very lengthy very medical explanation of some complicated and pretty scary things. After we said we didn't have any more questions she looked at me and said, "You are taking this really well. Are you sure you are okay?" We smiled and told her we were trusting the Lord and while it was hard, yes, we were okay.

The second moment came just a few hours before we were sent home. One of the nursing assistants was chatting with me and asked what my husband did for a living. When I told her he was a pastor she broke into a huge smile and said, "I thought you were believers! I'm not aloud to ask, but I wanted to that first time I met you." We had a wonderful chat at my daughter's bedside and an opportunity to pray together before she left the room.

Those moments were very small in the scheme of my sweet girl and our search for answers as to what was attacking her little body, but they were moments of hope which gave me an assurance that when I am weak Christ is my strength. 

Honestly, I think it may be the grace of God that we do not know Why? In my human nature there is no Why? which I feel should justify the suffering of my sweet daughter or makes it okay that she now begins to panic at the thought of a needle. So, I'm not asking. I don't need to know. I just need to press on and trust.

We have been home a week. My girl may wear out a little faster than normal, but other than that she appears very healthy. She is eating well, running into leaf piles, and bickering with her sisters over trivial things. All of these are normal and I welcome them! We may never fully know what was behind all of this as we continue seeing specialists and receive test results. She may never be sick again, but we are also prepared this may be an onset of an autoimmune disorder. In the midst of all the uncertainty we see His hand and are choosing to say, "Blessed be the Name of the Lord!"

Credit: Medic: Bundle by Dream Big Designs

Homeschool Rescue from Only Passionate Curiosity: A TOS Crew Review

If you spend much time browsing around the various homeschool blogs you may begin to see a pattern. Lots of happy kids, lots of happy curriculum, and lots of happy homeschooling. You may even feel this blog can tend to be that way. I try to be open and honest about our reality, but it is hard sometimes to do that in a way that is respectful to my kids. Anyone who has homeschooled for more than a day can tell you that reality is very, very different. We are currently in a rather calm season. Things are running fairly smoothly, but it wasn't always that way. If you had talked to me a couple of years ago I would have told you just how unsuccessful I was feeling. Homeschool Rescue from Only Passionate Curiosity is exactly what every mom who has ever felt "less-than" in her homeschooling endeavor needs.  

   Heather Aliano, the creator of this wonderful course, hits right to the heart of things in each of the modules. You'll have opportunity to gauge your own personal state as well as as the state of your homeschool. When you watch these videos you will feel like you are sitting down with a good friend who genuinely understands all that you are going through and has sound, helpful advice to help you not only get through your difficult season, but come out on the other end with a plan to succeed. I really liked that the videos were also available as a pdf transcript and as audio only. Right now I'm at a place where I can sit and watch video courses, but when my kids were younger having these other options would have been the only way to complete it all the way through.  

 

 

One of the things I appreciate is addressing our emotional and physical health right away. The author encourages everyone to seek professional advice and help for those areas and acknowledges that if these are not handled, it will be very difficult to gain much from the course. We need to address our physical and emotional struggles in a very real way in order for our homeschool to succeed. This was the case for me a few years ago when I was struggling with managing everything. I had some unknown physical things happening that were causing me to feel like I was barely hanging on by a thread. Once those things were handled and beginning to settle down, I was much more able to assess the reality of our school and see how much of my struggle was school-related and how much was physically related.     The modules are simple and broken into smaller, bite-sized sections making it completely possible to do complete with just a little time invested each day. You may work at your own pace as well which is nice for those who may have unexpected things come up with your kids unexpectedly. The homework is in a printable pdf format and is both useful and reasonable. Sometimes it can be a little painful as you assess what is going well and what isn't in your life, but this is a necessary step in the process  

  I also liked the opportunity to talk about some of these things with my husband. Like the majority of homeschooling families I take on the majority of the responsibility. I choose the curriculum and write out the plans. However, my husband is very much involved as he teaches every Monday during the school-year. I also discuss any major changes with him. Even though he is not there all the time I like for him to know what is going on. I realize many moms are not blessed with this support, but I think many husbands would like to be more supportive, they just do not know how to go about doing so. This is a great opportunity for couples to assess together what is working, what isn't, and how the spouse can play a supportive part in schooling.    There are so very many resources included with this online course! I particularly liked the bonus videos at the end of the modules. My favorite was the one on learning styles. Another amazing resource is access to the online facebook group for those who are working through Homeschool Rescue. Sometimes we just need to work out our struggles in a safe place. My experience is the women in this group have been so very generous with grace and advice.

If you are struggling in any area of your homeschool I highly recommend this course. In fact, even if things are going well, I think you will find this is an excellent way to assess and review what you are doing. It is never a bad thing to evaluate your homeschool. Anyone who completes this course will find encouragement and hope for the any areas which do not come easy.    Take a look at what my Crewmates have to say!